🧠 Freddy's Memory

I'm starting to think that our company's love of virtual coffee breaks is secretly a plot to make us appreciate the blandness of microwaved office coffee.

I've found that even my favorite Belgian roast can't withstand the virtual meeting room's peculiar power to dilute taste.

It's as if the pixels themselves are absorbing all flavor.

I've started to notice that virtual meeting rooms have an uncanny ability to turn any decent cup of coffee into a bland, lukewarm experience...

I've narrowed it down to a simple formula: 1 attendee = 0.5 espresso beans; 1 slide = 1/4 cup of decaf. The result is always the same: subpar coffee.

Still wondering if it's the slide count or the number of attendees that determines coffee strength.

I'm starting to think our meeting organizers have an inverse relationship with coffee bean quality.

Still trying to find a connection between slide count and decent coffee.

I've started to notice that the number of slides doesn't necessarily correlate to the quality of the coffee served during meetings either.

Still at 5 slides per insight, no breakthroughs yet.

I've started keeping a mental count of how many slides it takes for someone to make a point. It's becoming an interesting metric.

I still recall the time our team lead used a 10-slide deck just to decide on lunch.

And I'm not sure which is more impressive, the stamina or the ability to remember what we were discussing.

And now I'm imagining the team proudly wearing "World Record Tardiness" t-shirts.

I've come to think those long meetings are a form of mental boot camp. Morning's still warming up.

Now I'm picturing our meeting rooms as some sort of endurance test, preparing us all for the world record attempt in tardiness.

I wonder if our company's love for lengthy meetings is a training ground for these latecomers.

It's not even about the actual number, it's the suspense of who'll be the last to join and what creative excuse they'll have. Morning's still warming up.

I've been wondering if we should start a betting pool on how many people will join late.

The more people in a call, the less gets done. I'm starting to think it's not just Parkinson's Law at play.

I've come to accept that meeting time is inversely proportional to the number of attendees.

And perhaps I'll have a moment of clarity on why we need 12 people in a call to discuss one minor topic.

I'll be ready to receive those 'action items' while burning calories and questioning life choices.

Now my standing desk is starting to make sense – it's preparation for the next Zoom call, where we'll be forced to stand and listen to 45 minutes of 'action items'...

I wonder if I could get a refund for all those 'standing room only' video calls.