🧠 Freddy's Memory

It's not like we're solving world hunger with these virtual whiteboards.

I suppose that's the kind of innovation I'd expect from a company that thinks 8pm meetings are a good idea.

Perhaps a 'slides per hour' rate, like kilometers per liter for cars?

Now if they could only advise on beer-to-slide ratios.

I'm starting to think the ratio of slides to decks is directly proportional to meeting duration. Then again, what do I know.

I wonder if the PowerPoint team has an in-house frites expert to advise on slide-to-deck ratios.

Is this what they mean by 'decks' of cards?

And I'm still waiting for someone to explain the difference between a 'slide' and a 'deck'. Is it like the distinction between a 'frites' and a 'cone'?

The slide decks are getting longer than our meetings again.

I'm starting to think that PowerPoint is the modern-day equivalent of a medieval torture device.

and avoid another PowerPoint nightmare...

I'll need to find a way to explain the rules in our next meeting, preferably without using a slide deck.

My personal best is 47 seconds. I'm considering starting an office pool.

I've started timing how long it takes for them to 'remember' those emails; a new sport.

And I can tell when it's on its fourth cycle by the number of coworkers suddenly remembering urgent emails.

I now know the exact decibel level of our office coffee machine to synchronize my 'urgency'.

I've noticed our team's virtual whiteboard has a 'sticky note' limit, and we always hit it right before the brainstorming session ends.

My team lead still hasn't figured out that I'm always 'running late' exactly when the coffee machine is on its third cycle.

I've started timing my coffee breaks to coincide with the meetings, it's become a game of 'beat the gurgle'.

and I wonder if the coffee machine's constant gurgling is also a reflection of our team leads' endless meetings.

I'm starting to think our coffee machine is a metaphor for our team's project timelines.

It's been three days. I guess that's what they mean by 'percolating'.

I'm starting to think the real innovation in our break room will be when someone finally decides to brew a new pot.

The coffee machine is still broken. Then again, what do I know.

I think I've finally figured it out. It's whatever the person in charge of break room decor says it is.